In a pop-culture induced tirade I swear like a druken sailor.
Arnold Swarchenegger
Wait a minute. Do you mean to tell me driving a Humphee while smoking a Dirty Sanchez and making bad puns of your bad movie lines is not enough to turn California around? Hold the phone, you mean going to a perfectly quite neighborhood in San Jose, digging up a fake pot hole on a perfectly paved street, then having a news conference there while the same crews who created the pot hole repave it while you talk about how you are going to fix all the pot holes in California didn't actually fix anything? How can this be?
Arnold do us all a favor and DIE DIE DIE! This in no way is meant to be a threat against you sir, I just hope you die of natural causes or while choking on the above mentioned Dirty Sanchez.
Star Wars Geeks
Oh I'm sorry my search for "Star Wars Geek" did not turn up too many hits in the Google image search. So I searched for "Star Wars Fan". Oh sure that's what you are a fan. No you are a geek and by definition you are not cool, you were never cool and you will never be cool. Get the f*ck back in the closet you f*cking geek. Oh what, waiting in line 6 months before Ep 3 (as you geeks call it) comes out is cool? Who has the time to do that? Certainly not normal people who know a bad movie trilogy when they see it. Oh what, having a Star Wars themed wedding is original? No it's not you cross promoted mass marketed unthinking whores! How about a wedding themed wedding, now that's original! Knowing the Star Wars universe better than your own neighborhood shows you are a hardcore sci fi fan? No it shows you need to get the f*ck out of the house, you sun deprived, freckle face ass wipe! Go back to being run of the mill, girlfriendless, introverted, in the closet geeks, I liked you much better that way. If you are over the age of 12 and now that Ep 3 is over, take a hint from George himself, and move on with your sex deprived lives.
The Run Away Bride
Just look at you you stuck-in-the-headlights-googly-eyed chihuahua! I hate you for being a southern bimbo, I hate you for giving the media another excuse to pump out 400 hours of non-news and most of all I hate you for trying to plan a 600 guest wedding, having 3 showers, 14 bridesmaid, 14 groomsmen and oh wait, you forgot, you don't want to marry your dumb-as-can-be can't-take-a-hint hick fiance who does not want to have sex until he's married because he wants to be a preacher some day. WHAT THE F*CK! And couldn't you have just said a couple of white guys with beards kidnapped you? You actually said Mexicans?!?! You stupid attention craving whore!
Katie Couric
I hate you for interviewing the Run Away Bride and thinking to yourself the entire time "I've got a scoop". Ya you got a scoop alright, a big scoop of steaming dog poo you stupid bitch. Katie, like Arnold, and in the nicest way possible I wish you would DIE DIE DIE. No not of colon cancer either, the last thing I need is another Katie Couric Anal Probe 2 Hour Special. I want you to die by getting electrocuted from a non-grounded microphone when conducting your all too inevitable tell-all exclusive interview with Michael Jackson's boy toy accuser when he turns 18. I can't wait, honey get the pop corn.
Anorexic Hollywood Skank-O-Day
The name changes every 5 years but the body remains the same. Look for the umpteenth time, boney is not attractive. Since when is the concentration camp look a good thing? Tell me why why why do you do this to yourself and why do you not understand that teenage girls across America follow in your barf drench footsteps you kranked out skanks?
Pete Wilson, newscaster
It started during the first Gulf War. KRON was doing a war special. They had a big map of Iraq, Pete had, and this is no joke, a bottle of black shoe polish. During this special he used the map and shoe polish one time to draw a big fat black line across the map. Gee thanks for the visual aid Pete, you're earning your $750k+ a year now! At that point I realised two things, 1) Pete Wilson is useless and 2) I hate Pete Wilson.
Your stupid humorless jokes have never been funny and never will be funny. So the next time you are done with a news piece just shut the hell up. Please relocate out of our market where they find your kind of unfunny humor funny. And way to stick with KRON you stupid unfaithfull butt muncher, the dead NBC affilation body was not even cold when you jumped ship. I hate you Pete Wilson.
To be continued ...
7 comments:
Oh yea!
You had to show those Star Wars tattoos, didn't you!
WTF. What a waste of good cash. You'd think that kid would spend the money on getting laid at least once in his life...or something.
I know, you figure each tat is good for at least a couple of "massages".
This is so far your best blog article...I was wetting my pants off. love it!
oh joe g, that photo of the concentration camp twins is awful. what the ef are they thinking?
and that pic of arnold, that was circa 1983, right? he doesn't look that good now. not that he looked that good then. he's just downright scary right now. or maybe that's just his politics.
Yes his politics are scarier than his looks but his looks ... I'm afraid you're correct.
Arnold then and now
uncle joe! i consider myself a star wars geek! although, no tattoos yet. thank goodness you didn't bring up insane harry potter fanatics though...if you do a search on google for that, don't be surprised if i show up...
ew, and lindsay lohan is so disgusting looking. anorexia is so out.
funny article, haha.
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