Kill All the Lawyers

Grandma sues over sexual content in Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas.

OK so this grand mother goes to the store, buys her grandson a video game about being a gang banger, murderer for hire and car jacker, but hold the f*cking geriatric phone, she's pissed cause above said gang banger/car jacker/murderer hits some of that virtual ass.

Jesus Tap Dancing Christ!

Having a Big Penis Is Not All That Great

... and I thought I was the only one who thought that way. Finally someone who understands.

People I Love to Hate Volume I

WARNING!

In a pop-culture induced tirade I swear like a druken sailor.

Arnold Swarchenegger



Wait a minute. Do you mean to tell me driving a Humphee while smoking a Dirty Sanchez and making bad puns of your bad movie lines is not enough to turn California around? Hold the phone, you mean going to a perfectly quite neighborhood in San Jose, digging up a fake pot hole on a perfectly paved street, then having a news conference there while the same crews who created the pot hole repave it while you talk about how you are going to fix all the pot holes in California didn't actually fix anything? How can this be?

Arnold do us all a favor and DIE DIE DIE! This in no way is meant to be a threat against you sir, I just hope you die of natural causes or while choking on the above mentioned Dirty Sanchez.


Star Wars Geeks



Oh I'm sorry my search for "Star Wars Geek" did not turn up too many hits in the Google image search. So I searched for "Star Wars Fan". Oh sure that's what you are a fan. No you are a geek and by definition you are not cool, you were never cool and you will never be cool. Get the f*ck back in the closet you f*cking geek. Oh what, waiting in line 6 months before Ep 3 (as you geeks call it) comes out is cool? Who has the time to do that? Certainly not normal people who know a bad movie trilogy when they see it. Oh what, having a Star Wars themed wedding is original? No it's not you cross promoted mass marketed unthinking whores! How about a wedding themed wedding, now that's original! Knowing the Star Wars universe better than your own neighborhood shows you are a hardcore sci fi fan? No it shows you need to get the f*ck out of the house, you sun deprived, freckle face ass wipe! Go back to being run of the mill, girlfriendless, introverted, in the closet geeks, I liked you much better that way. If you are over the age of 12 and now that Ep 3 is over, take a hint from George himself, and move on with your sex deprived lives.


The Run Away Bride



Just look at you you stuck-in-the-headlights-googly-eyed chihuahua! I hate you for being a southern bimbo, I hate you for giving the media another excuse to pump out 400 hours of non-news and most of all I hate you for trying to plan a 600 guest wedding, having 3 showers, 14 bridesmaid, 14 groomsmen and oh wait, you forgot, you don't want to marry your dumb-as-can-be can't-take-a-hint hick fiance who does not want to have sex until he's married because he wants to be a preacher some day. WHAT THE F*CK! And couldn't you have just said a couple of white guys with beards kidnapped you? You actually said Mexicans?!?! You stupid attention craving whore!


Katie Couric



I hate you for interviewing the Run Away Bride and thinking to yourself the entire time "I've got a scoop". Ya you got a scoop alright, a big scoop of steaming dog poo you stupid bitch. Katie, like Arnold, and in the nicest way possible I wish you would DIE DIE DIE. No not of colon cancer either, the last thing I need is another Katie Couric Anal Probe 2 Hour Special. I want you to die by getting electrocuted from a non-grounded microphone when conducting your all too inevitable tell-all exclusive interview with Michael Jackson's boy toy accuser when he turns 18. I can't wait, honey get the pop corn.

Anorexic Hollywood Skank-O-Day



The name changes every 5 years but the body remains the same. Look for the umpteenth time, boney is not attractive. Since when is the concentration camp look a good thing? Tell me why why why do you do this to yourself and why do you not understand that teenage girls across America follow in your barf drench footsteps you kranked out skanks?


Pete Wilson, newscaster



It started during the first Gulf War. KRON was doing a war special. They had a big map of Iraq, Pete had, and this is no joke, a bottle of black shoe polish. During this special he used the map and shoe polish one time to draw a big fat black line across the map. Gee thanks for the visual aid Pete, you're earning your $750k+ a year now! At that point I realised two things, 1) Pete Wilson is useless and 2) I hate Pete Wilson.

Your stupid humorless jokes have never been funny and never will be funny. So the next time you are done with a news piece just shut the hell up. Please relocate out of our market where they find your kind of unfunny humor funny. And way to stick with KRON you stupid unfaithfull butt muncher, the dead NBC affilation body was not even cold when you jumped ship. I hate you Pete Wilson.


To be continued ...

Do The Math

On 9/11 over 3,000 people lost their lives in New York and Washington due to terrorists. So far the U.S. has made exactly one arrest. This month in London just over 50 people died in two separate days of bombing, so far they have made close to 20 arrest.

Compare and constrast.

Dear George I.O.U. $8,000

This is a Letter to the Editor that was published in the Pacifica Tribune. Pacifica, oddly enough, has a vocal group of conservatives that love to write to the paper with letters that basically come down to USA! USA! USA! I just know after London's 7/7 the War on Terror Conservatives will be beating their war drums even louder. I'm not necessarily against blowing up terrorist, however I can not sit quietly when this same group of conservatives complain about taxes. Although this letter focuses on the cost of the Iraq War for my city it applies to every city in the U.S.A. So far every person, children included, has paid $1,011 in diverted taxes towards the Iraq War. By the time it is over in 12 years each of us will have paid close to $8,000. Now take that figure, multiply it by the population in your town and you will see why all local government institutions are going bankrupt. Simple 2nd grade math.

For more information please visit Costofwar.com

+ + + + + + + + +

Dear Editor,

I'm all for the war on terror, low taxes and American pie. But it seems like every 6 months the Bush Administration asks for another $86 billion for the Iraq War, so I think to myself "where is all that money coming from?" Well as it turns out the only source of income for all levels of government is the taxes we pay, be it income tax, sales tax, gas tax, "sin" tax etc. I wanted to know how much the war in Iraq is costing me. I visited a website called costofwar.com which, using the U.S. Congress' own figures, calculates the on going cost of the Iraq War. Here is what I found out, and please someone correct me if I am wrong, because I hope to God that I am wrong. As of this date the total cost of the war in Iraq for just San Mateo County is $705,000,000. In 2003 the estimated San Mateo County population was 697,456. I'll assume the population is about the same now. This means that for every man, woman and child in San Mateo County the cost so far of just the Iraq War (no Afganistan not included) is $1,011.

Pacifica has about 40,000 citizens. That means so far the Iraq war has diverted away $40,432,658 of Pacifican tax dollars. Rummy recently stated that the Iraq War could go on another 12 years. The $40 million mentioned above represents about 2 years of war. That means by the time this is over Pacifica will have "supported" our troops to the tune of $280,000,000! That represents about 14 years of the city's $20 million a year entire budget!

To anyone who supports the war please keep your mouth shut the next time the Fire Department, Police Department and School Districts ask you for a new tax assesment on your property. Also please be silent when they raise the gas tax, which by the way, is the cheapest gas in the world. And hold your tongue every time they raise the bridge toll. After all the money has to come from somewhere and that somewhere is you.

Do you know what brought down the U.S.S.R.? No it was not Reagan as the Republican party would have you believe. The U.S.S.R. went bankrupt trying to build nations. So unless you want the U.S. of A. to go belly up you better pony up some hard earned cash.

Middle East "Nu-cu-lar" Super Power, Brought to You by George W. Bush

This is part of a collection of "letters to the editor" that I never sent out, so forgive the apparent outdated-ness of this. This letter was written after the Iraq Election earlier this year.



While the Republicans of San Mateo were celebrating W's inagural they were joined by others across the globe. Most notable of the celebrants include Iran's Islamic clerical regime, one third of the axis of evil . Despite a costly television campaign funded by your tax dollars the U.S. back Prime Minister Ayad Allawi's coalition was crushed by the United Iraqi Alliance headed by Iraq's senior Shiite cleric Grand Ayatollah Ali al- Sistani who had spent years in exile in Iran. His political party has very close ties to Iran's Islamic Government. An Iraqi politician was quoted as saying "Americans are in for a shock, one day they would realize we've got 150,000 troops here protecting a country that's extremely friendly to Iran, and training their troops."

So it seems the good ole boy freedom's-on-the-march logic of the Republican party does not pan out in the real world. We created a monster a 1,000 times worse than Saddam. Iraq and Iran will be allies with bonds as strong as our bond with Britain. Iran is known to have REAL weapons of mass destruction, nuclear missiles. Do the math. George W. Bush has created a super nuclear power in the Middle East that hates the very existence of the United States. And if that wasn't fun enough they sit on a vast amount of our precious oil supply.

Posters promoting the election in Iraq are already being replaced with one stating, "They will leave, and we are staying. Iraq -- one country, glorious future." Glorious indeed. While Rome burns, Republicans dance.

The Conservative Gloves Are Off

This was a "letter to the editor" I wrote that was published in the Pacifica Tribune after the Nov 2004 elections.



Well now that the election is over the gloves are off. Coservative author Richard Viguerie, who wrote "America's Right Turn" was being interviewed on National Public Radio (yes the NPR interviews conservatives all the time). He gave a short list of the top priorities conservatives have for the next four years. After each of his items I provide a "blue-ist" response.

1) Take control of the courts and make them "much more conservative in the mold of Judge Thomas" - Coat hanger abortions unless you are rich; and don't expect conservatives to fund preventive measures to reduce abortion such as sex education in the schools and Planned Parenthood funding.

2) No funding for stem cell research - Extremist religious ideology over science, just like the Taliban!

3) Constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage - The first time an amendment will be added to the constitution to discriminate against a large population of citizens. Way to go patriot! All men are created equal unless you are a gay!

4) Vouchers for private schools - The destruction of the public school system, stealing money for public schools and giving it to private schools. Good news if you are rich.

5) More tax cuts - Uhhh MORE tax cuts? I have not noticed any tax cuts. Oh ya I'm not a multi national corporation.

6) Private accounts in the social security system - No money going into the system just when the baby boomers will need it. Also leading economists are nervous that all this money flooding the market will cause a major stock market crash.

7) Oil drilling in Alaska - All the oil in Alaska adds up to just a couple of days of consumption in the U.S.. Why not require auto companies to make cars that get just 2 more miles per gallon, that will more than make up for all the oil in Alaska? Oh I know why, because the conservative agenda is all about the rich getting richer and the poor get screwed.

You silly Bush supporter. You thought the election was about safety from terrorism and the creation of jobs. You've been bamboozled. TheOnion.com (fake comedy news sight) said it best with this weeks all too true headline "Nations Poor Win Election for Nation's Rich".

I find solace in the fact that those with college degrees overwhelmingly voted for Kerry, who receive the second highest number of votes ever in a Presidential election.

Religion as Government is a Path to Hell

This is a short essay written around the time of the Terri Schavio debacle and the funeral of Pope John Paul II.



In modern times religion can provide a moral anchor amongst hyper consumerism, greed and the attitude of "take care of me and my own". However there was a reason why the founders of our great country wanted to keep religion separate from government. Simply put religion as government does not work. In the Muslim world we see extremist religious governments maintain policies from the middle ages, women are treated as second class citizens, punishment for minor crimes can lead to dismemberment of body parts and minority religions are not tolerated. In our own country we see how religion as government does not make sense.

I have been patiently waiting for someone in our so called "liberal" media to point out the hypocrisy of the Religious Right's position on "life" issues. Here we have a situation where Florida's Republican government wanted to "save" Terri Schavio yet this same group of Republicans do not support stem cell research. How can this be? Stem cell research WILL lead to cures for brain damage and spinal injuries, these are the very cures that can heal someone like Terri Shavio. Now they want me to believe that our Federal Court system is full of "activist" judges, yet these judges are doing exactly what they are supposed to do, they are providing a balance and division of power between the three main bodies of government. We see the Republican party do NOTHING to increase the quality of health care, on the contrary they are on a mission to protect insurance companies and large health care providers from law suits, even though the medical association has stated repeatedly that this will have no affect on health care costs. The only way Terri Shavio has been able to afford her health care is from a law suit that she won against a hospital for not recognizing a serious imbalance of chemicals in her body and now the Republicans want to limit the amount someone can win in a malpractice law suit.

This same group of self proclaimed religious zealots recently passed a law that will make it easier for people to shoot each other "in self-defense" and God's gift to mankind Jeb Bush is pro death penalty. It seems the Republican party is picking and choosing what aspects of religion work for them and ignoring the rest. What a disgusting mockery it is to see the pro-war pro-death Bush clan kneel in front of MY Pope. Catholic is derived from the Latin word "catholicus" which means "universal. In other words the Catholic Church, as demonstrated by Pope John Paul II, aims to love and save ALL of humanity regardless of religious beliefs. So how can it be that the pro-corporate, pro-American, anti-everybody else Republican party is now considered "religious" yet the pro-worker and pro-health care Democrats are citizens of Sodom? Who is more evil the guy who pretends to be religious but acts like the devil or the guy who says he is not religious yet his acts are more in line with the teachings of Christ?

Let's all go back to the beginning of this country, have a little faith in our founders and keep religion and government separate. Despite good intentions the path of religion as government leads to hell.

Teach Your Children Well

Kids here's just a quick reminder on what is appropriate content for your age group as rated by the video game industry and the Republican Party.

Suitable Content for Teens:



and ...



and ...




Inappropriate Content for Teens:



For this example we used Grand Theft Auto San Andreas.

Afternoon Tourist - The Ferry Building

There is a lot of redevelopment going on around the Bay Area and sometimes they get it right. One Saturday afternoon we took BART to the Embarcadero station to check out the Ferry Building and the farmers market going on outside. Well let me tell you they got it right! This is sure to be an ever popular addition to San Francisco. It is nice to see a city actually improve and add new life to areas that previously went under utilized. Much like the revitalization of China Basin with Pacbell Park, the Ferry Building redevelopment has essentially added a new neighborhood to San Francisco. Not long ago the Ferry Building was for the most part empty and on the weekends downtown was all but dead.

The Ferry Building

View from Justin Herman Plaza

On Saturdays there is a farmers market that goes from Justin Herman Plaza, across the street the the front of the Ferry Building and continues around the right hand side and behind the Ferry Building. Hundreds of vendors setup shop for the day.

Inside the Ferry Building itself it's like a farmers market everyday with quite a few shops selling everything from farm grown meat to Napa Valley wine and cheese to hand made chocolates. Not to mention books, coffee, fresh cut flowers, fresh fish, antiques and of course all sorts of places to eat. Sit down or take something out back to the pier, find yourself a spot and enjoy lunch with a million dollar view of the Bay Bridge and Treasure Island.

Nectarines
Organic white-flesh nectarines
Most, if not all, produce sold at the farmers market and inside the Ferry Building is organically grown.



CUESA

the Center for Urban Education about Sustainable Agriculture

They have free public lectures on organic products and the farming industry that produces them.




The Ferry Building

Inside the building on the main hallway.

Just an empty building a couple of years ago now full of life on a Saturday afternoon.

Flower Stand

Inside the Ferry Building

One of several flower stands setup inside.





Organic Produce Vendor

Inside the Ferry Building

One of the many organic produce vendors setup inside.


Culinaire Antiques Shop

Antiques for and about Food

Now how cool is that? It's like renaissance faire for yuppies.


Scharffen Berger Chocolate Maker

Inside the Ferry Building

One of at least two chocolate makers.


Handmade Chocolates

Scharffen Berger

You know we had to try a few.




Prather Ranch Meat Co.

Inside the Ferry Building

One of several meat vendors.




Lulu Petite

Gastronomic Delight

I can't remember what they sell, I just liked the sign.



Wheelbarrow Full of Herbs

Herbal shop display

One of several herb shops.






Cowgirl Creamery

Artisan Cheese

Once your number is called your friendly cowgirl will help you find a cheese that is just to your liking by having you try different samples.


Meat Market

Inside the Ferry Building

Now that's more like it. Serve it up! This was very much an East Coast style Italian Deli. Yo Tony! I got your sausage right here pal!


San Francisco Fish Company

Inside the Ferry Building

Fresh catch of the day. I assume the fish sold here is locally caught. Most of the vendors sell localy grown products .


Organic Grocery

Rack full of oil

How many kinds of olive oil and vinegar can one sell? Well apparently many many kinds.

There is another shop (not th e one shown) that sells nothing but olive oil. There, like the Cowgirl Creamery, you sample you olive oil until you find one to your liking.


Mushroom Shop

Inside the Ferry Building

Here's a place that sells nothing but mushrooms, that's right they sell nothing but mushrooms.




Ferry Plaza Wine Merchant

Inside the Ferry Building

They had great wine form all over the world and soeem good deals too. Then again it all taste the same after your second glass.

Hairloom Cherry Tomatoes

Behind the Ferry Building

The fun continues in the back. More farmers selling their wares out.





Potted plants and flowers

Behind the Ferry Building

The farmers market behind the Ferry Building is still larger than most of your neighbrhood farmers markets.

Statue of Gandhi

Behind the Ferry Building

Here Gandhi is shown waving, as if to say "Thank You. Come Again!"